Forever & Always

 

I have learned my lesson far too many times with this. Relationships have been constant ups and downs because we are not true to ourselves and to the ones we share our feelings with. We say forever. We say always. We make statements during the times we are drunk in love and forget what we said when our bottles have run empty. We love the idea of being in love. We love the emotion of love. We love to love. However, we as humans are selfish creatures. Have you heard of self preservation?

Self Preservation: The protection of oneself from harm or death, especially regarded as a basic instinct in human beings and animals.

I am sure this can be interpreted a variety of ways. To my understanding this means regardless of what occurs, we have the inexorable need to save ourselves– even if it means breaking promises, going back on our word and outright lying.

Now tell me how you can love someone eternally when your basic instincts tell you to save yourself from the potential harm? What must we do to overcome our instincts and give ourselves entirely to another? If this generation has taught me anything, it is that we save pieces of ourselves so that we do not feel completely lost if somehow, something with even the slightest possibility of going wrong –does, then we are not left empty.

I may not know exactly what love is, but my unintentional tendencies as a human account for some of that. I hope someday to find someone I love, who loves me, who says forever, who says always and actually means it.

I only ask you let yourself learn from and overcome the painful memories. Do not let them enslave you. We were meant to be free. Do you know what a broken heart feels like?

It starts with blood racing to the surface of your skin,
As anger and sadness fight for the lead,
It is when your heart feels like a sinking ship,
At first it’s crippling.

It is fleeting emotions,
Fear,
Regret,
Mixed into a bowl of denial,
Because we never could believe our love would intentionally hurt us.

It is the tears that never cease,
Pounding within your chest of a merciless heartbeat,
It is the faint scent of hope,
As you wish the pain were a memory...

What does a broken heart feel like?

It feels like your heart has been ripped from your chest,
Only to be taken by them,
Brought to the floor,
And stomped on til' dead.

A broken heart feels exactly so, —broken.
It feels sadness—pain,
It aches for the happiness it once held,
It questions if the love is worth hanging on to,
and fears the chance of being shattered all over again.

 

We all have our broken pieces. If I hadn’t felt the stab of broken love, this genuine love wouldn’t have meant everything it does to me. So I ask of you all, before this generation plummets any further into a pit of superficial, dying, temporary, love, we take a stance to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Don’t you see hurt people, hurt people? Don’t you think it is time for a change? If we constantly allow this cycle to persist, it is inevitable that the same things will happen again.

Judith Lewis Herman says, “After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment.” 

Now that you are aware will you let the doubts continue to manifest? Will you trust? Will you question? Will you love with a love worth mending? Will you give your all? Will you be dishonest? Will you shield yourself and hold your pride? Will you be true to yourself or will you remain bonded to the “what ifs”, potential brokenness and doubts that will reside? We have one life to live. On your death bed do you want to look back on your life questioning how much you let your fears control you or will you look back, content, knowing you lived a life worth living and loved with a love that is never ending? What greater feeling is there in life than to be completely, effortlessly happy –and loved?

-          LA

Sam Johnson

Chief Editor For ItsLitBoston.com