When the Abused Becomes The Abuser

Have you ever known someone who went through a rough and crazy time, and then ended up doing it to the next person?

It's easy to transition from victim to culprit. It doesn't take much at all. It all begins with trust.

I have friends who have been lied to, cheated on, and sometimes even physically abused. They've lost it all for loving the one person who chose to disrespect them in unspeakable ways. Think about it. How much have you sacrificed for what you thought was love? How long did you hang in there, hoping things would eventually get better? How long did it take you to rebuild yourself?

These experiences that we have gone through only leads to one thing: distrust. The ability to trust anyone is a difficult one. It's true, you shouldn't put undeserved blame on someone who did nothing to hurt you. Time is the best healer, and you have to give yourself time to learn to trust again. Without trust, there is no foundation. 

Herein lies the issue. 

Those who have been abused, and have no given themselves time to heal end up hurting the next person just as bad. People make mistakes. An innocent flirting conversation can easily turn into a full out cheating scandal with someone who has not fully healed yet. They, in turn, try to do the hurting before they can can hurt again. At times, not even realizing that they are ruining their own future with someone who can potentially made for them. Those who have been abused tend to remain in a "self-victimization" mode that constantly points the finger at their partner in an effort to tell themselves that they are not like the person who previously hurt them.

This is what happens when the abused becomes the abuser.

I constantly stress giving yourself your own time to evaluate yourself, your choices, your life, etc. If we were hurt so bad, why are we so quick to hurt another? If you have somehow managed to gather the strength to detach yourself from someone physically, then you must take the time to do it mentally. Let all of that hurt and pain go. Focus on what you have and grow instead of reflecting on the past and what you lost. Allow yourself to love again with someone who has chosen to love you despite your battle scars. And more importantly, choose to love that person the way they love you, without creating another hurt person in this world.