I feel as though this needs to be reiterated time and time again. There are still good women out there also, but that's another article for another day.
As an African American female interacting on social media, watching and listening to today's music, and breaking bread with my fellow millennials, it's hard to believe that good men still exist in today's society. Saying the term "good men" is pretty broad, so let me break it down in the terms I am speaking of relative to my thoughts and this article.
Although "good men" casts a wide net in terms of race, culture, and beliefs, I am narrowing it down to black men. It's a constant topic of conversation between females on every platform. I believe I'm hitting it close in my description of what a good man is, so ladies correct me if i'm wrong and feel free to add. A good man is someone who sees value within himself and wants a woman to mirror that. Someone who believes in commitment and is strong and confident in what he needs from his woman in order to help the relationship grow. Someone who is honest, strong, dependable, and mature. Everyone makes mistakes, it's how you handle the responsibility that separates a boy from a man. The problem with this description is that women feel it sounds good in theory, but ceases to exist in the black community.
There are many reasons why there seems to be a disconnect in the belief of the existence of good black men. Sometimes, as a woman, we require too much of a man; our expectations of him are higher than the standards we have yet to achieve ourselves. Sometimes the best things in life require patience. As a woman we are constantly reminded that our biological clock is ticking away and that we are limited in time and age to conceive. Culturally, we are silently castrated if you reach a certain age without a man on your arm. With constant internal and external pressures, we tend to settle permanently for partners that were made to only be temporary. This helps perpetuate anger towards men in our daughters, nieces, grand-daughters, etc. towards men. No matter what screen your eyes fall on, women are striving to be clones of Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj, or any other silicone female who black men seem to be drooling over. In an effort to regain the affection black women feel neglected of, they too are seeking silicone body parts and skin bleaching in the hopes of attracting a mate who will be good to them and stay. It's a sad world for a little girl to grow up in.
But I refuse to believe that good black men don't exist. Even the ones who seem to enjoy constantly playing with emotions can be good men who do what they want to do because a woman allows it. I know men who are trustworthy, honest, and are seeking the same in a female. As humans, we all have our hang ups, so compromise is a big part of the ball game. What are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to put up with? What are you seeking in a man that can be identified as a need and not a want? Are we taking the time to see what's beyond the surface? Are we passing along the belief that there are no good men, so every man is seen as a glass half empty? Are you seeking a godly man in a club?
People have the potential to be who they desire to be. If you, as a man, feel you are or could be a good man, then be that and set the example for friends and future generations. As a woman, know what you are bringing to the table and refuse to settle for anything less than what you feel you deserve, while keeping an open mind to who God may be bringing into your life. It's important that we pay attention to what society is leading us to believe about black men and black women and our relationships with another. Keep the hope alive.